I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just invented taco cereal.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
