for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
