Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
