Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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