The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
