I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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