hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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