hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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