Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
