He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
