i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
