I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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