Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
