At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
