I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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