Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
