I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
