i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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