I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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