Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
