I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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