So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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