marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
