I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
