I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
