it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
