I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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