I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need a beard to bite.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
