At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
