Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
