There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
