I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
