so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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