This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this hospital has no fireball
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
