i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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