awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
