Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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