Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
