I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
