got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
