Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
