i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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