this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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