I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
