What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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