yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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