He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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