dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
