I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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