Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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