Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
