Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
