He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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