You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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