just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
