sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
