she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
