How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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