I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The struggles of a small town man whore
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
