God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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