i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
